I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
