I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
