my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
