Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
