the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
