This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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