I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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