After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
