and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
