Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
