sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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