Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
