Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
