tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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