I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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