My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
