Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
