Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
