I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
did i just pee glitter
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
