I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
