I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
