After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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