Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
