Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
