I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
