shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
NoShamevember. You game?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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