I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
