I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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