all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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