And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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