what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
