So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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