my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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