apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
