I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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