I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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