It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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