i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
