I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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