I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
40s are totally the cure
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
