He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
