He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
