your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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