Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
