how can u be prego again
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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