did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
