So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
