She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
