is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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