His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
